


this little hit and miss

by punkrockbadger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 15:05:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3072389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockbadger/pseuds/punkrockbadger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“James Potter is a literal pile of human excrement.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	this little hit and miss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Emmar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmar/gifts).



> prompt: modern au lily & remus being best bros tho. pls imagine this. they meet as young teens at summer camp and exchange numbers, but by the time they're at the same school remus has come out as trans so lily doesn't recognise him. until she texts him in class abt james being an arrogant douchecanoe again and hears him whisper 'oh my god lily' and just lose his shit laughing in the corner (from queerhermione, on tumblr)

“You don’t _understand_.” Lily has always had a horrible habit of saying the words she is texting aloud, something Petunia never lets her forget, but she’s long since learned to keep it to a soft whisper. As she should be, considering this is a study hall period and she isn’t exactly supposed to have her phone out in the first place. Oh well. Lily Evans has never been a stickler for the rules, but it’s helpful to appear that way to cover your own tracks. And, boy, does she know a lot about covering her own tracks. “James Potter is a _literal_ pile of human excrement.”

Her best friend will understand this new fury unleashed in Potter’s direction, as she has every single one before, and Lily’s got four years of backlogged texts to prove it. From the very moment that James Potter had entered her life two years ago, Rhea had heard the full extent of her hatred for that self-righteous chipmunk and his band of equally mischievous goons, although neither Remus nor Peter were all too bad.

It was Potter and Black that were the problem, nearly all the time, and it was even worse now that Potter was convinced he’d fallen for her.

“Bet she didn’t even have to use autocorrect to spell excrement.” Sirius Black says, from across the table, slapping James Potter’s shoulder. The two boys are bent over Remus’ phone, practically keeping the boy away from his own device in an attempt to read the texts he is getting first. “Dream girl, eh, Jamie?”

“Shut it, Black.” James Potter growls, shoving his glasses a little too hard up his nose. One of the nose pads had worn down a little too far, and the exposed wire leaves a scratch up the side of his nose. Potter scowls, whipping his glasses off to rub at it with his shirt sleeve, even as Black stifles waves of laughter. Lily can hardly contain her laughter either, but she’s had years more of practice at being even remotely good than any of Potter’s boys could dream of. “You’re an absolute butthanger.”

“You know”, Remus says, bemused, “we’re all going to get caught if you don’t shut it, and she won’t text back unless you let me text her now.”

“Right, right.” Sirius nods, graciously scooting aside so that Lupin can reach his phone. Lupin nods his thanks before quickly snatching up his phone, shooting a harried glance at Potter, whose hand was hardly a centimeter from it. Sirius echoed the glance as well, shaking his head melodramatically as Potter groaned, bashing his head against the table. “Carry on, dear friend. Wouldn’t want to keep your darling princess waiting.”

Lily frowns as the typing bubble appears at the same time that Remus puts a finger to his phone, and the resulting text that reads “Sorry, my friends are douchecanoes” confirms her suspicions. Remus Lupin has a lot to answer for. Four years of texts to answer for, in fact. Four years of friendship, four years of secrets, four years of insecurities hesitantly shared at three in the morning when she couldn’t sleep. He’d better have a solid lie to tell, because she feels about ready to send him tumbling down to the ninth circle of hell.

 She waits until the bell rings, signaling the end of the school day, before slinging her bag over her shoulder and marching over to the boys’ table, putting her hands on her hips for effect.

“Remus Lupin, have you been texting me for the last four years without telling me it was you?” She scrunches up her nose, as she often does when she’s mad, and aims a well-placed kick at Potter’s shin when he stares a little too long.

“Evans, how many people in the whole world do you think have the last name Lupin?” Remus groans, running a hand through his hair, and she doesn’t text him for a whole damn month.

Serves him and his little crapnugget friends right, she thinks, and sometimes wonders if they’ll finally study, now that they don’t have her texts as a distraction.

She gets her answer three days later, when they set the gym on fire, “entirely by accident”.


End file.
